Musings...why do I write?

[shadowscast]

Last night I did a bit of writing, for the first time since I started my new job a month and a half ago. I'm a teacher, this is my first year teaching, and I've been finding it exhausting and all-consuming; I hardly have any time to myself and when I do, I feel too tired to write.

So. Last night I did write. I managed about 600 words, the start of chapter 2 of the sequel to "London Calling." And it felt...frustrating. The words didn't flow, I was dragging them out kicking and screaming. I don't like how it reads. I don't know how to improve it. And at this rate it'll take me years to finish the story.

Writing is so lonely, so isolated. The LJ community takes away from the isolation, but not so much when I don't have time to read my flist or post. And I still feel isolated in the writing itself up to the point when I post it. That makes it really tempting to post as a WIP, but I wouldn't be a good WIP poster, since I'm so painfully slow—plus, what I've got now feels like it needs serious editing. Not that I can think of how to fix it. Argh.

And yet I still feel as though I have to write. The story is inside me somewhere, and I have to get it out, no matter how much of a bitch the effort is! But I wonder if this is even healthy; maybe I should give it up, just enjoy reading fic and find a new, more relaxing hobby in place of writing.

Um. I can't stop, can I? So I guess I'll go try to get a few more words out. Thanks for listening to me vent.

Comments

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

I tried teaching for a year and a half - the second half-year was easier because I had lots of lesson plans already, but it is very hard work, especially if the kids, or the other teachers, aren't used to, and don't support your methods.
My bleedin' sympathies, mate!

[shadowscast.livejournal.com]

Mmm, thanks. At this point I'm not sure I'll last more than a year, myself!

So, um, what did you go on to do next?

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

My partner and I moved back to Jersey and worked for 4 years in a photolab. where he had worked before. It was hard, mechanistic work and weird hours, and you had to spend two or three hours completely in the dark working with one other person and a dangerous machine that occasionally threw metal rods around, but I had a blast!
After that, the next job I got that I liked was at an Arts Centre, organising volunteers, courses and (don't shoot me) street theatre.
Now I input information about animals at a zoo - not because I approve of zoos, but because I know I will do it more diligently than anyone else, and at least a true record will be entered.

[shadowscast.livejournal.com]

Hm, what an interesting career path.

I'll, um, check in next you to let you know what's happened to me!

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

"Career path" is an interesting term for it!
"career meander", or "career straggle" might be more accurate! I tend to choose the path with least unpleasant stimuli along the way!

[flurblewig.livejournal.com]

::sigh:: Work is evil.

I have this kind of conversation with myself a lot. If I could only spend the same kind of energy writing as I do worrying about not having the time/energy/inspiration/skill to write, I'd be laughing.

[shadowscast.livejournal.com]

If I could only spend the same kind of energy writing as I do worrying about not having the time/energy/inspiration/skill to write, I'd be laughing.

Oh my, yes.

But hey, at least we do write!

I mean, not that I'm sure that's a good thing. (See above.) But for instance I have a very good friend who wants to be a writer, but hasn't actually written a thing in years. At least our aspirations aren't quite that unfulfilled!