Well, I was totally outrageous the other day - my mum (who if you remember, I don't like) was showing us some pictures of her mum, my granny, as a young girl, and I said "I'd have 'er"! Channelling Drusilla or what?
Yeah, its hard, but there's usually some point at which you can challenge someone's expectations: even if its not in direct relation to yourself, you can find ways to show you're pro-equality. "My friend Steve's boyfriend..." etc.