Here via asexual-fandom, and just wanted to thank you for this post and say that what you express echoes my life experience a lot, though, of course, with some differences. I'm also in my 40s and was on a pretty similar timeline in terms of hearing of asexuality and what options for explaining myself to myself were available when I was younger. (I also tried on "bisexual" for a while, which was a really bad fit for me.)

I don't fully identify as "asexual" but put myself "on the asexual spectrum," more as I get older, but I've really always been there. Today I identify as a friendship-bonder because that best sums up how I form partnership attachments, i.e. based on friendship, not sexual attraction.

In any case, thank you for sharing. It is good to hear about other people's experiences and get that reinforcement that you're not alone.